Now, let me explain….
Ahhhh blind dates. I actually don’t mind them. It’s exciting. It’s new. And heck, it’s better than me sitting and finishing a bottle of Whispering Angel (the BEST Rose) by myself while watching the Bachelorette (even though, in my book, that is a pretty good night).
Now…getting set up on a blind date. Usually it’s through friends. O.K., I love my friends. I really do. But I have questioned what they really think of me…through these blind dates they set me up on. Here, my online friends, is a prime example….
It started like this….my good friend Savannah says she has a perfect guy for me. Wow…isn’t that exciting when a friend, a really good friend, says that?! Before she could even tell me his name I start thinking of a future with this guy. He’s tall, an ex-hockey player, graduated college but he lives in San Diego. I live in L.A. Now, I’m never one to let a little distance get in the way of true love…this could be “the” guy! So, he calls…yes, he actually called me. Points right there for not just texting…so far, so good. He seems nice but I still like to give myself an out with first dates. Coffee or happy hour? So, happy hour won. He’s driving up from SD and should be here by 5pm.
5pm comes and goes…first RED FLAG. I do get a phone call though and he’s stuck in traffic and should be there within the next hour.
Now, normally, I might just say “forget it”…but because one of my really good friends set us up…he’s got a pass….so he arrives around 6pm…parks down the street(hello, parking in front of my building was available but whatever). I meet him. He is decently handsome but his jeans were dirty, wrinkled and he had flip-flops on(which is normally totally fine) but his feet had dirt all over them…like, I could see the dirt from where I was standing and I’m 5’8 and 5’11 with heels…yeah. Not a great first impression, but again, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt…friend says we “will be perfect for each other”.
So, I expect him to drive to happy hour…nope, he parked too far so I guess I’m driving….ok, fine, whatever. We go to a great place down the street. The happy hour is wonderful. We talk..he is super nice and kind of cute. He complains about the drive up to me..ok…but other than that things are good. Then we order. I order a glass of pinot grigio (hello, my fav) for $3 and some spinach artichoke dip for $5. He orders the entire happy hour menu: 2 beers, 1 fried shrimp, 2 orders of sliders, 1 guacamole, 2 chicken skewers and 1 loaded fries. Wow, I thought, that’s a lot of food. But he’s a big guy and I guess he was hungry.
The food arrives and I slowly start to eat……He then proceeds to TAKE OUT HIS TEETH AND PUT THEM ON A NAPKIN NEXT TO MY PINOT GRIGIO!
Yes…this actually happened…..
I almost threw up…but just looked away…
And he pretended nothing happened…like didn’t even say ANYTHING about him having no front teeth and them sitting on my drink napkin…omg
I downed my pinot grigio and just wanted to get out of there asap…
He ate ALL of his food…and when the check came…it sat there….and sat there…and sat there….until I finally looked at it….$58……mine was $8 and his was $50…
Now, I was hoping to have a gentleman that might pick up my portion of the bill…$8….
He proceeds to say out loud…”I got $20″
Oh…excuse me…”you got $20?” But you ate $50 in food, fool…I said in my head….wow..
Now, unfortunately, this moron knows where I live and I have to drive his dirty feet back to his car…so I was just in shock and wasn’t sure what type of person I was dealing with…
So , against all of my better judgement…I paid the bill…sooooooo unlike my character, not to say anything, but I knew I wasn’t ever going to talk to this guy again so I just wanted OUT….
Drove him back to his car…he then proceeds to ask if he can come inside until traffic dies down….uh…no. Gotta draw the line somewhere… So off he goes to his car into the sunset of Doucheville…..
Wow…I was dumbfounded. I didn’t get it. Why would my friend think we would be a good match? Because we both like sports? Ok…but what about everything else. I didn’t even get into him living with 7….yes…7 other people in a 4 bedroom house. Which again, if he was a gentleman, and he was just down and out on his luck I could look past…but he was NOT.
One hour later, I get a text from him. “Great time, let’s do it again soon!”
Ummm…..was he on the same date I was???….oh, yes…that’s right, he was….and I paid for his meal! And drove him! And babysat his TEETH!!!
One week later my “friend” that set us up calls me. She says….”Hi…..Hockey Dude(I seriously forgot his name), said you all had a great time, why won’t you call him back?” Hmmm….uh….because I have standards, and a brain…..and I don’t know….HE TOOK OUT HIS TEETH!?!?(even though…honestly, that was just the cherry on top)
So there you go…one example of a BLIND DATE.
Now, all blind dates are obviously not like this….not even close…this is an extreme nightmare…o.k…maybe not extreme but a bit of a nightmare.
Do you have any “nightmare” blind/first date stories??? Please, message me. Tell me about them…I might feature you. Let other women know….they are not alone!
Cheers to a beautiful 2018 my friends,
Mrs. I Do